Issue 52, November 2004
Editor’s letter
It was time. We glorify, we deify, lord it up and even worship it daily; we scold the non-believers and brainwash the innocent; we play it more and longer and with greater dedication, irritation and passion than any other game; we’ve converted, enthused, inspired, influenced or just plain bored every single one of you with our endless talk of PES old, new and now. So it was time we gave it the greatest honour we know: an OPS2 cover.
Some have told me it is a mistake: “it’s a niche game”, “it’ll put off the anti football brigade”, “it doesn’t sell as much as FIFA”, “it hasn’t got all the right names, even now”. All these comments I have ignored, safe in the knowledge that PES is a real-life phenomenon, the sort of game everyone wants to buy the first day it’s out, the sort of game that lasts a whole year, the sort of game that gets better, and better, and better the more you play it. Those already in the Church of PES know the truth of this. PES4 and OPS2 cover star Thierry Henry knows the truth of this. For those of you still wavering over joining the congregation, I have the answer: play it on the DVD and find out for yourself.
And while you’re there you might want to check out Killzone – that’s also not too shabby…
Richard Keith, Editor
Features
It’s Over – Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.
Screen Burn – Timesplitters: Future Perfect.
Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads? – It’s back to the 90s as PSOne mascots Crash Bandicoot and Spyro come out of retirement for Crash Twinsanity and Spyro: A Hero’s Tail.
Monthly Articles
Funny Nicknames – This month, favourite 90s things.
Could Be a Classic – An original non-sequel gets some focus. This month, Urban Chaos: Riot Response, AKA: what Rocksteady did before they got the Batman licence.
She’s Got Game – A column from Kirsten Kearney from the perspective of female gamers. This month, RPG elements in other games.
Replay – Revisiting Pro Evolution Soccer and Burnout 3: Takedown, reader reviews for Spider-Man 2 and Driv3r, cheats for Burnout 3, Shellshock: Nam 67, Conflict: Vietnam, Silent Hill 4: The Room and Mashed, and an online review for Killzone.
Back page list – This month, 11 least popular themes for videogames.
Monitor
The Getaway: Black Monday – “More gangs, more guns, more cockernee characters and far more swearing. If it wasn’t for a certain Rockstar game heading our way in the near future, this’d be at the very top of our wish list.” Boiling
Backyard Wrestling 2: There Goes the Neighbourhood – “A tentative step in the right direction, but it looks a long way from converting its white trash potential.” Warm
WWE Smackdown VS Raw – “Some nice new ideas have broken up the repetitive button bashing no end and the grapples feel much stronger. Could there be too much reliance on lady-flesh for the hardcore gamer, though?” Boiling
Ghost Recon 2 – “Beautiful, clever and great to handle – it could be love.” Boiling
Ratchet and Clank 3 – “It’s simple really: If you loved the first two games then you’ll love this. But if you weren’t enamoured with guns that turned enemies into chickens and the like, then there’s not much here to change your mind.” Hot
Need for Speed Underground 2 – “The city’s looking lovely, the speed and handling’s all there, but it’s the customisation that continues to entice. The whole thing’s undoubtedly a step on from the original – we don’t think you’ll be disappointed.” Boiling
Midnight Club 3: Dub Edition – “Despite a few issues over the driving itself, Midnight Club 3 is certainly the slickest and shiniest in the driving genre, and a lot more glamorous than the chavvy king of the modding sub genre, NFSU.” Hot
Destroy All Humans! – “Psi-Ops and Second Sight have beaten it to the telekinetic punch, but Destroy All Humans! overflows with cracking ideas and already plays superbly. Likely to be an essential purchase next spring.” Boiling
Shadow of Rome – “Truly a King of Games, fit for an emperor and therefore guaranteed to amuse the peasants even more. That’s us by the way. If the elephant killing doesn’t hook you it’ll be the gloriously bloody body mutilation.” Boiling
The Punisher – “Tight combat, rich back story – a violently promising romp” Hot
Devil May Cry 3 – “Devil May Cry 3 is exactly what we hoped for, an utterly unapologetic slice of raw gameplay. Dante’s definitely cool again and, after the hugely disappointing second game, that’s all we ever asked.” Boiling
Battlestations: Midway – “Edutainment this ain’t. These are very early days indeed, but the mix of strategy to Boys Own action seems nicely pitched at this stage. As of next summer, you may address us as Admiral OPS2.” Hot
Reviews
Pro Evolution Soccer 4 – “Still not as good as actually playing football with your legs but, worryingly, it’s getting there. A masterpiece.” 10/10
FIFA 2005 – “Acres ahead of last year’s effort and full of little flashes of genius. If only FIFA wasn’t up against one of the best games ever made.” 8/10
Gametrak Dark Wind – “The hardware is genuinely amazing, but the software is a lightweight fighter dressed up in a heavyweight’s pants.” 7/10
Star Wars: Battlefront – “Star Wars fans will revel in this toybox of Jedi iconography. Everyone else will probably get bored sooner rather than later.” 7/10
Rocky Legends – “Not a lot more than an add-on pack with new fighters but we still loved getting back into the ring with Rocky and the boys.” 8/10
Def Jam: Fight For New York – “Fight For New York does everything right that Vendetta did wrong. It’s stylish, brash and brutal, and its faults don’t mar the final product.” 8/10
Forgotten Realms: Demon Stone – “More reasons to commit orc genocide than ever before and enough fresh ideas to keep your thumbs from button-bashing fatigue.” 7/10
Viewtiful Joe – “Never disappointing – although sometimes discriminatingly tough – VJ is a brilliant game, especially at this bargain price.” 8/10
Obscure – “Obscure offers a refreshing spin on horror staples, but fails to correct some of the flaws. Plenty for gore hounds to enjoy, though.” 7/10
Mortal Kombat: Deception – “Are too many modes spoiling the game or is this just an old dog failing to learn new tricks? Either way, it’s a disappointment.” 6/10
NHL 2005 – “There are patches of thin ice in places, but skate around them and you’ll find this to be an incredibly enjoyable experience.” 7/10
Madden NFL 2005 – “The perfect US footie game gets better and better. Go on, give it a try – we promise you’ll be surprised how good it is.” 9/10
Gradius V – “Meanness resonates from every laser-scorched pixel, but there’s still no better way to save the world in the second dimension.” 7/10
TOCA Race Driver 2 – “A racing game in a class of its own, TOCA 2’s inviting storyline and uncomplicated racing will draw in even the most casual of drivers.” 8/10
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time – “Massive RPG which takes patience and perseverance to fully enjoy. Make the effort, though, and you’ll be rewarded in spades.” 7/10
Club Football 2005 – “A marketing ploy that translates into a joyless playing experience. It’s got loads to do before it can go out and play with the big boys.” 5/10
Vietcong: Purple Haze – “Nice set pieces and apparent authenticity – but not surprising or thrilling, and has the visual appeal of a napalm-sprayed village.” 6/10
Ghost Master – “A good idea that’s mostly well executed, but is neither scary or funny and ultimately a bit empty. Shockingly average.” 5/10
Future Tactics: The Uprising – “Incongruous elements mean this is neither fish nor foul. It’s just too simplistic to engage, even in two-player mode.” 5/10
Crisis Zone – “A pooper shooter in comparison to Time Crisis 3. One for mentalist Crisis zealots only and for those with an unnerving love of weaponry.” 4/10
LMA Manager 2005 – “While definitely a minor tweak rather than a serious overhaul, LMA retains the management silverware… for now.” 8/10
Sly 2: Band of Thieves – “Charming and slick, if a little basic, Sly 2 deserves your pennies – even if you choose to play some bigger hitters first.” 7/10
Dance UK XL – “Dance UK XL is the guy on the dancefloor who tries a little bit too hard and fails with each and every move. Best to avoid.” 5/10
Adiboo and the Energy Thieves – “The kids loved it, which shows it serves a market. But even they would do well to avoid it and head for Jak or Ratchet instead.” 5/10
Disc Content
Playable Demos
Killzone
Pro Evolution Soccer 4
Obscure
Rocky Legends
Sly 2: Band of Thieves
Footage
Lord of the Rings: The Third Age
Mortal Kombat: Deception
Under the Skin
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
The Urbz: Sims in the City
WWE Smackdown VS Raw
Ratchet and Clank 3
Driv3r hidden vehicles guide
Goal of the Month
Online leagues for Hardware Online Arena, SOCOM 2: US Navy SEALs and This is Football 2004
Test the Expert – Nick Wlodyka answers 10 questions about WWE.
Monica Bellucci interview
Game Saves
Primal
The Getaway
The Mark of Kri
Ratchet and Clank 2
Enter the Matrix
XIII
007: Nightfire
WWE Smackdown! Shut Your Mouth
Silent Hill 3
Return to Castle Wolfenstein
SSX 3
Final Fantasy X2
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Hitman: Contracts
Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow
Trivia
* This issue forms the second part of the esoteric cover trilogy, with a fancy photoshoot of Thierry Henry. This was stated in the final issue to be the magazine’s most expensive cover, due to the cost of hiring Henry and a professional photographer for the photoshoot. Also, it’s surprising that it took so long for PES to get on the cover. The next two versions get their own covers as well to make up for it.
* This year, PES goes for a religious motif, which is somewhat less sinister than last year’s Cult of PES. Key word being somewhat. As well as the New Religion heading on the cover, the first game's Replay is compared to the Nativity story.
* This is Nathan Ditum’s last issue. He could well be the shortest-lived member of the team, as this was only his third issue.
* The letters page introduces a new section, Name and Shame, for the most disturbing letter received. This month’s choice is a graphical edit of Gorgeous George Walter, turning him into a chav with a great big bushy beard, fluorescent pink skin, and half his teeth missing. I imagine this is his evil counterpart, Grotesque George.
* An article on Constantine gives Keanu Reeves both barrels, calling him a plank of wood on legs and considering him not reprising his film role in the game to be a positive. Nobody show this to the internet, it’ll break its collective heart, swiftly followed by a rampage of revenge that even John Wick would consider to be a bit much.
* Unfortunately, there’s no OPS2 Investigates this month, but don't worry, it's back next month.
Quote of the Month: “Turnip surprise pie just isn’t the same without the oven cleaner.” The perils of mixing things you really shouldn’t.
Cover price: £5.99
Page Count: 146
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