Issue 57 (March 2005)

                                                                     Issue 57, March 2005

Editor’s letter
       It amazes me that videogames get such a rough ride from non-gaming friends, parents and girlfriends. They’re “a waste of time”, they say, “unintelligent and boring.” And this from the same people who will drop everything to watch a former Radio 1 DJ gag as he swigs a beaker of pulped larvae. Our cover game Metal Gear Solid 3 is remarkably intelligent (cold war psychological warfare), never boring (you get to wear a dead guy’s face as you murder him) and when did experiencing what is potentially a genuinely new art form become a waste of time? Indeed this issue is brimming with games daring to go further, more weirdly and with a vision and verve lacking in many other creative mediums. It’s not just the more obvious gritty and gruesome stuff that’s grabbing our attention either. Turn to page 34 and discover why the grin-making Lego Star Wars has the makings of a ‘kidult’ classic. And find out on page 62 why the Fantastic Four game may actually piss all over the Hollywood film. Games are getting darker, odder, more surprising and a more and more vital part of creative culture. So next time some soil-brained simpleton knocks gaming, point out that today’s games are really just the first offspring from an ongoing and riotous creative orgy, offering fleeting glimpses of the visual barbarism and mind-polishing possibilities to come. Whereas reality TV is for twats. That should send them skulking back to their Nadia exercise video.
                                                            Stephen Pierce, Editor in chief

Features
Toy Story – Lego Star Wars. There’s also a collection of dreadful, but also hilarious, Star Wars merchandise, including a Darth Vader Mr Potato Head named Darth Tater, a Santa Yoda snow globe, and best/worst of all, Star Wars pet costumes.

                                         "Your cynicism cannot repel hilarity of this magnitude!"

“Downright abysmal” – Fantastic Four. That headline isn’t from the magazine themselves, they’re quoting AintItCool.com’s coverage of the film’s trailer. Anyway, here we have a short comic strip showing off the game in action.

April? £129? – A look at some of the PSP’s first wave of games, as well as release speculation.

Monthly Articles
Funny Nicknames – This month, least favourite food.

Replay – Revisiting Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty and Psi-Ops: The Mindgate Conspiracy, reader reviews for Jak 3 and Tony Hawk’s Underground 2, cheats for Mercenaries, Call of Duty: Finest Hour, Need for Speed Underground 2 and Prince of Persia Warrior Within, an online review for Ratchet and Clank 3, and The Crib and The Boot Room.

OPS2 Investigates – This month, San Andreas is Shit! The team pick a number of PS2’s most beloved games, including Timesplitters, Metal Gear Solid, Final Fantasy and more, then savage them for the lulz. “In case you’re wondering, we did try to find someone who hated Pro Evo. No takers…”

Back page list – This month, 10 new ratings for videogames.

                                                            This month's Save Point.

Monitor
Fight Night: Round 2 – “A highly polished update of what was already the best boxing sim out there. We just hope the multiple problems with the version we played are sorted in time. EA, it’s over to you.” Hot

Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory – “Chaos Theory’s looking brilliant. Review next month…” Meltdown

Full Spectrum Warrior – “It’s been a long time coming but this seems certain to be the best squad-based liberate-‘em-up on PS2. Cry-baby liberals will hate the politics, but that’s hardly the point. As military sims go, this is about as good as it gets.” Boiling

Conspiracy: Weapons of Mass Destruction – “The only conspiracy is how it got signed in the first place.” Tepid

Stolen – “Like a first-year student waking up with a hangover and a traffic cone on their head, this has all been done before. It might have been fun once, but that was a long time ago. Time to move on?” Warm

Haunting Ground – “We’re liking the dog, and we’re liking the girl, but for the most part it’s another nightmare by numbers. And, for the record, we think that an aromatherapy crystal remains a poor substitute for a shotgun.” Hot

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith – “As with all things Star Wars, there’s a good chance this could go spectacularly wrong when it’s released. But for now we’re being optimistic. Done right, this could be a massive success. Here’s hoping…” Hot

World Championship Snooker 2005 – “Surprisingly addictive and a joy to control.” Hot

Kessen III – “Looking less like traditional Kessen than a smart evolution of the Dynasty Samurai Warriors experience, we’re cautiously optimistic about III’s chances. Roll on our playtest next month…” Hot

Brian Lara International Cricket – “Aiming to do for the game of cricket what PES does so well for football – ie, hiding ultra-realism behind a veneer of incredible playability. It’s still very early days, but BLIC is looking like a contender.” Hot

Resident Evil 4 – “Resident Evil’s return to PS2 is the best news we’ve had involving corpses since the police decided not to search the quarry last summer. Expect a massive feature soon.” Meltdown

Reviews
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater – “A jungle remix where the result is a symphonic adventure that, once it grips you, swallows you whole. Don’t miss out on this one.” 9/10

Timesplitters: Future Perfect – “Future Perfect is the best PS2 shooter available. It’s ‘sold out’ on its hardcore roots but we’re the only ones complaining.” 9/10

SNK VS Capcom: SVC Chaos – “We wondered what’d finally kill our love for these characters, and this game very nearly did it. Capcom, please don’t do this any more.” 4/10

King of Fighters: Maximum Impact – “Doesn’t quite have the epic feel of Soul Calibur or Tekken, but this is still a quality slice of old-skool fighting. Well done, SNK.” 7/10

Gran Turismo 4 – “GT4 is unconditional love for cars. It’s something to luxuriate in; more fun, but more challenging. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.” 9/10

Project Snowblind – “A great shooter held up by a few flaws – the biggest being its anorexic length. Totally worth playing, but not at full price.” 7/10

Viewtiful Joe 2 – “Rather than a full-on sequel, this is more like Viewtiful Joe Version 1.5. But that doesn’t mean it’s any less brilliant.” 8/10

Constantine – “Not the worst film conversion we’ve seen, but far from an epiphany. Condemned by bog-standard action, enemies and gameplay.” 6/10

Gallop Racer 2 – “Up for something different? If so, your reward is an engrossing and comprehensive racing game. Worth a rental at the very least.” 7/10

The Spongebob Squarepants Movie – “An absorbent sponge that’s soaked up all sorts from many other games. It’s not bad but doesn’t have an original bone in its body.” 6/10

Cold Fear – “Technically outstanding as it is, Cold Fear’s seafaring survival horror is disappointingly gutless when it comes to innovation.” 7/10

Nanobreaker – “Both the neat visuals and potential for customising your abilities are gently suffocated by a great big unimaginative pillow of a game.” 5/10

Samurai Warriors: Xtreme Legends – “Too pricey for an expansion disc, not enough fresh meat for a stand alone title, Xtreme Legends is fan-targeted gaming at its niche-iest.” 6/10

The Punisher – “The most faithful comic-to-game since Spider-Man 2. Tries to be more violent than Manhunt, but it doesn’t quite have the balls.” 7/10

Eyetoy Monkey Mania – “This is the first instance of Eyetoy looking a bit rubbish. Even the monkeys do nothing to improve the situation.” 4/10

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Battle Nexus – “Visually this is a great companion to the Fox Kids cartoon. Sadly, the ‘game’ part is terminally average. What a crying shame.” 5/10

FIFA Street – “An entertaining mix of footie game and beat-’em-up, with the emphasis on Ronaldinho-style ‘larging it’. Good stuff.” 7/10

Suikoden IV – “A ponderous RPG experience delivering all the essentials but sadly lacking in excitement, fun or any hint of originality.” 6/10

Shadow Hearts: Covenant – “An adequate but unadventurous RPG. Pretty to look at and an enjoyable experience, just not a particularly new one.” 7/10

NBA Street V3 – “No longer the one you play if you don’t understand b-ball, this is the best-looking and most playable basketball game for PS2.” 9/10

Death by Degrees – “Even if Tekken’s stock was huge, we’d still question the wisdom of this as a spin-off. It’s not, and DBD is average, derivative and sleazy.” 5/10

Legend of Kay – “Likeable and well designed as it is, Legend of Kay just can’t outshine the crowded genre’s biggest hitters. Enjoyable nonetheless…” 7/10

Yu-Gi-Oh! Capsule Monster Coliseum – “You’ve got to feel sorry for the kids. A low quality, exploitative cash-in, with nothing but the Yu-Gi-Oh! logo on the box going for it.” 3/10

Disc Content
Playable Demos
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
Ace Combat: Squadron Leader
Full Spectrum Warrior
Death by Degrees
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Battle Nexus
Mega Man X8
Legend of Kay
King of Fighters: Maximum Impact

Footage
Stolen
The Godfather
Rainbow Six: Lockdown
Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory
Brothers in Arms: Road to Hill 30
Goal of the Month

Game Saves
Gran Turismo 3
Jak and Daxter
Final Fantasy X
Kingdom Hearts
Killzone
Spider-Man 2
Need for Speed Underground
Call of Duty: Finest Hour

Trivia
* This issue comes with four variant covers by Yoji Shinkawa.
* Remember the Ladder of Lust from the earliest issues? This issue introduces its spiritual successor, Would you have a go on? Inspired by another magazine printing a story about dressing up as Lara Croft in the bedroom, a selection female PS2 characters are shown, and the qualities that make them attractive described in loving detail. That said, one of them is Mee Mee from Super Monkey Ball, so although the “who writes this crap?” angle from the Ladder of Lust is gone, it’s still not entirely serious. The rules for reader participation are also set early: “Any Lara ones are going straight in the bin.”
* The Haunting Ground preview tries to predict the twist – Fiona’s in a coma, and the traumatic events of the game represent the healing process of her subconscious. Luckily, the real twist is a bit more original than that.
* The Metal Gear Solid 3 review takes the Snake Eater subtitle literally for a box-out where the team import some snake meat and serve it for dinner. It tastes like pork, apparently.
* Legend of Kay is one of those cult classics that gets regular ports and re-releases, but is sadly not quite popular enough for a sequel.
* The Metal Gear Solid 2 article offers a defence of Raiden, before Metal Gear Solid 4 and especially Metal Gear Rising made him cool. Time (and having the mickey taken out of him in MGS3) heals all wounds, it seems.

Quote of the Month: “But darling, the hilt is encrusted with a real Force crystal.” Maybe a pendant in the shape of Yoda’s lightsaber isn’t an appropriate anniversary gift after all.

Cover price: £5.99
Page Count: 146