Issue 62, August 2005
Editor’s letter
Here’s a true story. Back in the day, before the burgers had really taken their toll, I used to host WWE parties, attended by like-minded grapplephiles, during which we’d bet on the pay-per-view matches. That’s stupid, right? Because [look away now if you still believe in democracy] the outcomes are all pre-decided. Well, yes – but just because 24 has got a script doesn’t stop you watching, does it? Assuming you can’t say for sure who’s going to win, all that matters is showmanship. Which the WWE has got by the sweaty bucketful. So you won’t find any of that tedious ‘aren’t big men in spandex a bit gay?’ in this issue. What you will find is a celebration of the greatest show on Earth, in all its glistening-muscled, gravel-voiced glory. And yes, using your arse to inflict a friction burn on another man’s face is a legitimate move and in no way sexually questionable. More than anything though, Smackdown! earns its fourth cover (equalled only by GTA) on the strength of being a brilliant game. This year’s improvements are enough to tempt any lapsed fan back, even if its just to see the Divas going at each other like angry stoats in lingerie. The summer of Smackdown! starts on page 39. Elsewhere we’ve got world’s first plays of Hitman: Blood Money and Shadow the Hedgehog (don’t make that face, it rules) plus – get in! – the first Pro Evo 5 info and shots. We’ve also got the latest PS3 gossip, straight from the Sony source, and more super-cheap PSPs for sale alongside the full launch line-up. But just in case you think it’s all good news, we also expose the worst PS2 ideas ever, over on page 80. And before you ask, the Crazy Frog game is real. It’s the End Days…
Tim Clark, Associate Editor
Features
Chicks Dig Scars – WWE Smackdown VS Raw 2006
Wrong Headed Ideas – The worst game ideas on PS2, including ripping off other games, especially Grand Theft Auto, releasing anime games and American sports games in the UK, and The Bible Game.
Designer Death – Hitman: Blood Money
Think you know Sonic? – Shadow the Hedgehog
Sim Chav – Mark Ecko’s Getting Up: Contents Under Pressure
Monthly Articles
Funny Nicknames – This month, who would you most like to wrestle with?
Could be a Classic – This month, Guitar Hero. An OPS2 favourite takes its bow (it even replaced Pro Evo as the multiplayer game of choice in the final issues). The character in the screenshots looks really goofy though. He looks like the Matt Damon puppet from Team America after a massive infusion of steroids. Matt Damon!
Replay – A Destroy All Humans! walkthrough, online reviews for Champions: Return to Arms, SRS: Street Racing Syndicate and Cold Winter, what the other mags said about Destroy All Humans!, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith and 7 Sins, and The Boot Room.
OPS2 Investigates – This month, When Films Eat Games. A look at numerous upcoming videogame films. Of the ones that were actually released, Silent Hill and Tekken are the only ones that are kinda sorta okay, maybe? We also get our introduction to the dreaded filmmaker Uwe Boll, renowned for his videogame movies, which are abysmal even by videogame movies’ low standards.
Did We Really? – OPS2 dig up their old shames to point and laugh at them. This month, did we really give Tomb Raider: The Angel of Darkness 8/10? With this article, OPS2 move on to stage 3 of the five stages of grief, bargaining. They also regret not giving it 6/10 instead.
Monitor
Without Warning – “Granted, our playtest covered only a fraction of the game, but Without Warning has already tripped alarm bells with some uninspired textures and odd design choices. We’re still hopeful, but also a little anxious.” Warm
Pilot Down: Behind Enemy Lines – “A neat idea, but the AI needs a lot more work.” Warm
Canis Canem Edit – “The more we discover about CCE the more we want to play it. The idea of returning to the playground with carte-blanche to cause all kinds of mayhem is both unique and potentially brilliant.” Boiling
Star Wars Battlefront 2 – “By offering space battles and enabling us to play as Darth Vader himself, Battlefront 2 has already reserved classic status in OPS2’s heart. A definitive, saga-capping space shooter is on the cards.” Boiling
Gun – “There’s a lot on offer here. A wealth of missions, things to do and wide-open plains ripe for exploration. But if it doesn’t deliver on its Western GTA promise, we’ll be the very first in line to lynch it.” Boiling
Okami – “A quirky adventure with odd but compelling combat.” Hot
50 Cent Bulletproof – “Spectacularly violent (well, what did you expect?), but also looking surprisingly cool. The big question now concerns the gameplay. Let’s just hope that Bulletproof has the skills to pay the bills.” Hot
Tomb Raider: Legend – “With each month that passes, the Croft revival gathers pace. More action, more athleticism, less hideous Kerry Katona-style bangers. We’ll have the exclusive first play for you very soon.” Meltdown
Jak X – “Despite early fears, we’re secretly optimistic.” Hot
Call of Duty 2: Big Red One – “The more we learn about Call of Duty 2, the more we like. In following a single squad through some of WW2’s toughest campaigns, Big Red One has already secured our interest. We have high hopes.” Meltdown
Psychonauts – “It’s so off the wall it’s bounced into next door’s garden, but the platforming and adventure elements are very well handled. It might not be out till December, but it’s got sure-fire quality written all over it already.” Boiling
Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams – “The overly flashy presentation and less than stellar graphics are giving us cause for concern over Capcom’s ‘new beginning’ approach to a much-loved series. Will it alienate the fans? We hope not.” Hot
City of the Dead – “At present, City of the Dead has a lack of visual quality that doesn’t match the high expectations we have when it comes to dead-heading zomboids. Sort that and we could be onto a winner.” Hot
Project Zero 3 – “More psychological than your usual claret-spurters, the scares come from a mix of atmosphere and suggestion. Plus, the girls are cute. Think Hello Kitty notepaper but with scrawled death threats.” Hot
Reviews
Medal of Honor: European Assault – “Forever trying to force-feed you scripted moments, MOH’s bigger, free-form levels only serve to pinpoint just how out of date it is.” 6/10
Brian Lara’s International Cricket – “Getting started with Brian Lara is easy, and mastering it is hugely satisfying. This is the best cricket game on PS2.” 8/10
Worms 4: Mayhem – “Worms in 3D loses all the simple, effective punch of the basic 2D approach – another step back for the once great series.” 5/10
Bomberman Hardball – “A few extra games would’ve made this indispensable, but it’s still a pretty good compilation at a reasonable price.” 7/10
Samurai Western – “Loading is about the only thing that really works in this game. Even with upgrades it’s just a boring, relentless slog.” 4/10
Yetisports Arctic Adventure – “Dull, bland and uninspired, Yetisports is an unfriendly exercise in making yourself look like a complete idiot.” 2/10
Guilty Gear Isuka – “Full of colour and character, but look past the psychotic weirdery and Guilty Gear isn’t anything to get excited about.” 5/10
Batman Begins – “Batman Begins has all the gloss and noise of a Hollywood production, but none of the ambition. Disappointing.” 5/10
Formula One 2005 – “It’s Formula One 2005. The game. That’s it. You know what you’re getting, but it’s a tired formula that’s due a few new repairs.” 7/10
Rapala Pro Fishing – “Rapala is realistic, plays okay and looks nice, but even at budget prices there are more engaging alternatives to choose from.” 5/10
Shin Megami Tensei: Lucifer’s Call, featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry Series and Knuckles – “A manga twist on role-playing let down by a lack of innovation. Aside from looks, it’s basic, turn-based fare. Just about enjoyable.” 6/10
King of Fighters 2002 – “KOF ’02 may look out of date and chunky, but the enjoyably brash action means there’s always time for just one more go.” 7/10
Fairly Odd Parents: Shadow Showdown – “Customary ‘fans of the show will love this’ fare – not bad for them; not great for us. A cartoon of this calibre deserves a far better game than what’s on offer here.” 6/10
Strike Force Bowling – “Cheap and cheerful, with a fairly decent variety of gently amusing environments. But is that really worth your time or your money? Hint: no.” 4/10
Disc Content
Playable Demos
God of War
Formula One 2005
Madagascar
Area 51
Brothers in Arms: Road to Hill 30
Destroy All Humans!
Lego Star Wars
Fight Night Round 2
Footage
Pursuit Force
Battlefield 2: Modern Combat
The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction
Scarface: The World is Yours
God of War
24
Gametrak Real World Golf
7 Sins
Shadow the Hedgehog
The Godfather
Cold Winter
The Making of The Regiment
Goal of the Month
Game Saves
Gran Turismo 3
Jak and Daxter
Final Fantasy X
Kingdom Hearts
Killzone
Spider-Man 2
Need for Speed Underground 2
Call of Duty: Finest Hour
Pro Evolution Soccer 4
Trivia
* This year’s WWE variant covers feature the current roster of Divas. I’ve got Christy Hemme, and the other covers feature Joy Giovanni, Stacy Keibler and Jackie Gayda.
* There’s an error on the demo contents page, as Brave: The Search for Spirit Dancer is listed as a playable demo, but isn’t on the disc, nor is it mentioned on the demo case. No big loss though, since it had just been on Issue 60’s disc.
* The letters page features possibly OPS2’s most devious reader, who writes in to brag about how he was hired to write for a newspaper after plagiarising their Metal Gear Solid 3 review. I hope for his sake that the newspaper in question didn’t read OPS2…
* This month’s most bizarre news story: Dance Dance Immolation, a dancing game rigged to a flamethrower that blasts you whenever you miss a step.
* A forum thread for Resident Evil 5 ideas suggests obvious ones (bringing back zombies, making it more like GTA, and co-op, the latter of which actually did make the cut), as well as more wacky ones (zombies driving cars, everyone dying in the first level, and my personal favourite, robot vampires). To be fair, Resident Evil VIII is going to have vampires in it, so robot vampires are no longer quite so far-fetched.
* There’s not one, but two noteworthy minigames this month. First up, Mesal Gear Solid, the other half of the Metal Gear Solid / Ape Escape crossover that started with Metal Gear Solid 3’s Snake VS Monkey minigame. More importantly, the second is the infamous Hot Coffee sex minigame from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. We haven’t seen the last of that one…
* The complaint about anime games in the worst game ideas feature is a relic of a different time. Anime is much more popular now than it was 15 years ago, and practically every anime going has a game nowadays, whereas in the PS2 era, we had only annual Dragon Ball Z (and later Naruto) games, with the occasional Digimon or Yu-Gi-Oh! game. Anything that hadn’t gone beyond anime fans and into the mainstream was very rare. Worth noting, “Not everything from Japan is cool, you tit!” was a candidate for Quote of the Month.
* Games that would never be made today #10 – Yetisports Arctic Adventure. Why not? It’s a flash game you can play on the internet for free – why would ever pay £20 for it on your PS2? This doesn’t apply to Alien Hominid from a few issues ago, because the console version is massively expanded from the free internet game.
Quote of the Month: “They should’ve called it Sam Fisher Price, it’s so childish.” Holy Firefly, Batman! That sick burn is going to need medical attention!
Cover price: £5.99
Page Count: 146
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